From Knowing How to Succeed to Knowing How to Belong

Have you ever stood beneath an old tree and wondered what makes it so magnificent? Our eyes are usually drawn upward. We look at the tree stretching towards all directions, the strong trunk weathered by tens or hundreds of years, and the branches that seem to move effortlessly with every changing season. We are in awe of what we see.

Yet the tree tells a different story.

Long before its branches reached towards the light, its roots were reaching deep into the earth. Hidden from view, they searched for food, stability, and connection. The roots receive no applause and are rarely photographed. Yet they are a fundamental reason the tree can grow tall and weather a storm.

I sometimes wonder whether our lives are much the same. When we think about success, we tend to think about what is visible. We celebrate promotions, qualifications, thriving businesses, financial security, personal achievements, and dreams realised after years of hard work. These accomplishments reflect discipline, resilience, and commitment, and rightly so. They do deserve recognition.

But what if they are only the branches? What if the real story is unfolding beneath the surface?

The success we can see

Take a moment to consider your own life. How would you define success? Is it the career you have built, the family you have raised, the challenges you have overcome, or the goals you have achieved?

Most of us have spent our lives learning how to succeed. We are encouraged to work hard, persevere, solve problems, and to always keep moving forward. Success is mostly described as arriving somewhere, a destination reached through determination and effort.

I don't see anything wrong with this. In fact, our achievements often become opportunities to contribute, provide for others, and to grow.

But I wonder whether success tells only part of our story.

When success does not feel like home

When I immigrated to New Zealand, I believed that my previous experience would naturally help me build a successful new life. After years of leadership, professional responsibility, and international experience, I assumed that hard work and determination would once again open doors for me.

In many ways, they did. But while I was rebuilding my career, learning new systems, and adapting to a different culture, another journey was taking place simultaneously.

I was starting to understand that succeeding in a country and belonging in a country are two very different experiences. I had questions that no qualification or professional achievement could answer.

• Who am I when the familiar markers of my identity have changed?

• Can I embrace a different culture without losing myself?

• Can I remain authentic while learning unfamiliar ways of thinking, communicating, and connecting?

These questions had everything to do with my roots.

Becoming an expert beginner

This experience is not unique to immigration. Think about the transitions in your own life:

• Taking a new leadership role

• Becoming a parent

• Starting over after redundancy, divorce, or perhaps retirement

• When moving to another city or another country

Every major transition has an external journey (our 'achievements) that others can observe and an internal journey (our identity) that we can only experience.

I would describe this experience as becoming an “expert beginner.”

Have you ever been there? You know your profession, your strengths, and your values. Then, suddenly, you find yourself in unfamiliar territory where expertise alone is not enough. Your professional knowledge comes with you, but the unspoken rules of the new environment do not. Relationships must be rebuilt, trust must be earned, and confidence must be grounded in new “soil.”

Like a mature tree, you discover that survival depends not on the size of your branches, but on your willingness to grow new roots.

It is a humbling but often uncomfortable experience. Yet it may be one of life’s greatest invitations to grow.

Growing roots through contribution

When we enter unfamiliar environments, our first instinct is usually to adapt. We observe, adjust, work harder, and learn how things are done. Adaptation is necessary. It helps us function and find our footing.

But adaptation alone can become quite exhausting if it is driven by a constant need to prove ourselves.

Belonging is something different. It does not ask us to pretend to fit in.

One of the greatest privileges I have experienced through coaching and working with volunteers at the hospital has been watching people discover belonging through contribution.

That subtle shift from asking, “Will I ever fit in?” to “How can I contribute here?” can be transformational.

Contribution has an undeniable way of growing roots. Whether through volunteering, mentoring, supporting a colleague, joining a local community, or simply extending kindness to a neighbor, we start participating in the life around us rather than waiting for permission to belong.

When the compass begins to turn

As I have reflected on my own journey, I realise that success and belonging are not competing ideas. To me, they are partners.

For a long time, I believed that people found belonging once they felt more confident. But through my own experiences and the privilege of walking alongside others during times of change, I have come to believe something different entirely.

Belonging does not begin when uncertainty disappears. It begins when uncertainty is no longer allowed to decide who we become. The circumstances may not change. The questions may remain. The future may still feel unclear. But something within us realigns.

Perhaps you have experienced it yourself. You pause before walking into a new workplace on your first day, or you sit in your car for a moment before entering a meeting where you know no one. Maybe you have just arrived in a new country, or you are returning to work after years away. Your heart beats a little faster as you wonder whether you will be accepted, whether you will fit in, or simply whether you are 'enough'.

Instead of asking, “What if I do not belong?” you could decide on “How do I want to show up?” This is where we begin making different choices when:

• Purpose becomes more important than certainty. Instead of worrying about whether you will be accepted on your first day in a new role, you remind yourself that you are there to make a meaningful contribution and to learn. Purpose answers, “Why am I here?”

  
  

• Your values become stronger than fear. As you sit in your car before walking into a meeting where you know no one, you decide that kindness, integrity, and respect will guide your behaviour, regardless of how others respond. Values answer, “Who do I want to be?”

  
  

• Curiosity becomes greater than the need to have every answer. Having just arrived in a new country, workplace, or community, you replace the pressure to know everything with a willingness to ask questions and listen carefully so that you can understand the culture around you. Curiosity answers, “What can I learn?”

  
  

• Contribution becomes an expression of character and a way of connecting rather than a reward for feeling confident. Instead of waiting until you feel that you belong, you look for one small way to make someone else’s day, by sharing your experience, encouraging a colleague, or simply by bringing warmth into the room. Contribution answers, “How can I serve?”

Uncertainty may still travel with us, but it no longer gets to choose the direction. This is where we begin to reclaim our agency, not by controlling our circumstances, but by choosing how we will meet them.

Our decisions no longer arise from uncertainty alone. They arise from our inner compass. So, before you move on with your day, can I invite you to pause for a moment and ask yourself:

• What is more important to me than certainty?

• Which values do I want to carry into this situation?

• Where is life inviting me to become an expert beginner once again?

• What might change if I stopped waiting to feel ready and started growing where I am planted?

If these questions have stirred something within you, perhaps your own Cultural Compass is already pointing towards the next chapter in your life.

I would love to continue the conversation with you. At MPowerMe Coaching, I help people explore their own Cultural Compass, not by giving them a map for life, but by helping them navigate change with clarity, dignity, and a growing sense of belonging.

“The strongest trees are not recognised by the height of their branches, but by the depth of their roots.”